Even if you are busy. Even if you aren’t getting to everything that you “should” be doing. Even if you don’t have time to do make it look beautiful, or to do it the way that the world thinks that you should. I am very opposed to the idea that joy (and the “frivolous” things that bring it to us) are unnecessary extras to be fit into the leftover moments of our lives.
I have probably had to think about this a bit more than most people. Between managing my life with ADHD (limited executive functioning to work with, plus some fun habits and memory challenges to work around), and having some chronic health issues that limit my energy, I am already at a bit of a disadvantage when it comes to getting things done.
I have lots of great tricks to help me get the most out of my energy, or to work around my brain, but when I am done, I’m done. How to handle the fact that the to-do list isn’t done though? In a weird way I may have the advantage in this, in that I am just not capable of finishing it! Lots of real world experience in learning to be ok with things just being how they are and not how I wish they could be.
I could go on and list ways to trim your to-do list, or do this or that more efficiently; but at the end of the day, you just straight up deserve to have joy. You don’t need to earn it by checking off enough boxes on your to-do list. Meeting everyone’s needs before yours are touched? Not healthy. Not for you, and quite frankly not for them either. Unless “everybody else” is an infant or in need or constant medical care, I would argue that you aren’t actually giving them a very loving example. Do you want to model a life with no joy? No time to just be yourself or enjoy life, even for a moment? Do you imagine your children growing up and living a life like that?
I have had even less energy than usual the past few years. (Much improved now, don’t fret!) I have been able to plant and maintain less in my garden, and to do less of the “cosmetic” work outdoors than I would prefer. It could probably be argued that it hasn’t been a very practical investment of my time in the past few years, compared to the amount of produce I got out of it. Heck, if we are measuring things by that yardstick I would hate to think how painting or reading novels stacks up!
I need those things to be in there though. Yes, sometimes there are seasons where your needs don’t get met as often as you need, but they really do need to be just seasons, like the baby who will grow. Take the moments. Squeeze tiny ones in throughout the day. Take whole evenings off, even if it is just to do what you like at home. See the people who make your life better by being in it. Layer things you like with the things you have to do, like music in the background or good company on an errand, but take the time to do ONLY the things that you love too.
You are worth it. You are a whole human person who has the capacity to enjoy art, solve puzzles, make things, think amazing thoughts, and connect with other humans. You are not a perpetual productivity machine. (Though you will end up being more productive if you take some time for yourself! If you are having trouble letting go of the to-do list, try seeing how much better you manage when you can come at it fresh.) I truly mean it though, please make time for bits of joy.
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